Saturday, January 14, 2012

"The Best of the Bozeman Police Reports"

We haven't checked in with The Mess that Greenspan Made for a few weeks, here's the latest:
...Things appear to be livening up a little bit around here after weeks of mostly dull police reports, the first item below being a summary of this story in today’s paper that, for some reason, editors felt deserved to be a featured report. This was just one of multiple similar reports last week, a category that hasn’t really been noticed in the year or so since these police reports have became regular Saturday fare here. And remember, driving with your lights off at 2 AM is one of the surest ways to get pulled over for drunk driving.
  • A Big Sky woman was accused of slipping out of handcuffs while riding in the back of a patrol car, pulling down her pants and urinating. The woman was arrested in Big Sky for aggravated drunken driving around 4 a.m. Friday and, before being taken  to Gallatin County jail (about 40 miles away), was allowed to use the restroom at the Big Sky Fire Station. But while traveling on U.S. Highway 191 near Deer Creek, she was able to remove her handcuffs, unbuckle her seat belt, pull her pants down, and then urinated in the back of the squad car.
  • Police warned two men on East Main Street around 2:30 a.m. for being disorderly “as they were having a heated discussion about the end of the world.”
  • A yellow Nissan truck that says “pooper man” on the side has been parked near East Curtiss Street and South Wallace Avenue for three months.
  • A teenage boy was seen urinating under an apple tree in a North Eighth Avenue woman’s yard at 12:46 p.m.
  • A slender man with black goggles was walking toward the library when he gave a woman a weird feeling
  • A woman called to report her friend stranded, out of gas and freezing in the Big Sky area at 3:10 a.m. Deputies found the man asleep in a stolen vehicle and arrested him

I mentally end the stories with "alchohol may have been involved" in a very poor Montana accent.