Saturday, July 19, 2008

10 Badasses From the Pages of History

What have you accomplished so far in your life? Graduated college, working a nice 9-5 job, and hanging out at the poshest clubs, bars, and lounges around town? Fancy yourself to be a bit of a badass, right? Well, you aren’t. This is a list of 10 individuals that were so amazing at what they did that calling them anything less than a badass is an insult.

9 ) Nikola Tesla

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Everything that makes the modern world “modern” - radio, wireless technology, light bulbs, induction motors, remote controls, and the microwave oven to name a few - were invented by a Serbian scientist. Tesla was so devoted to science that he stayed celibate so he could attempt to harness TS waves to use the Earth as a tuning fork to transmit energy anywhere for free, control the weather, and destroy areas at will. Even though this is all in the realm of mad science the government was interested and he spent his final years developing a death ray that would allow him to destroy planes from over 250 miles away. His first tests coincided with the Tunguska Event and have theorized that he had something to do with it.

7 ) Jack Churchill

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If you were to mix Derek Zoolander, Rambo, and a Viking you would end up with Fighting Jack Churchill. After getting bored with military life he became a male model, honed his archery skills, and and started playing bagpipes even though he wasn’t Scottish. When WWII started he signed up as a commando even though he wasn’t sure what it entailed - it sounded dangerous, so he signed up. He preferred going into battle with his bagpipes, a Claymore sword, war bow, and arrows. In 1943, armed with only a sword and belt, he convinced 42 Nazi soldiers armed to the teeth to give up. After the war he briefly worked as a stunt archer before he devoted his life to surfing. Eat your heart out Chuck Norris.

5 ) Sonya Carson

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In the same vein as Fred Rogers, the mother of Dr. Ben Carson is a testament to awesome mothers everywhere. Ben was born into poverty, had anger issues, and was failing as the only black kid in all white schools. Even though she worked numerous part-time jobs, Sonya Carson wasn’t going to let her children become Detroit statistics. She wouldn’t allow Ben to watch television, forced him to read two books a week, got him to write book reports over them, and then graded each of the reports. He ended up going to Yale and became a world famous surgeon that pioneered surgeries that separated conjoined twins. Did I mention that she was functionally illiterate and only had a 3rd grade education? >>>MORE