...A word of caution, though, to high-finance criminals facing the prospect of time behind bars. You do not want to show up to prison totally unprepared a la Sherman McCoy in Bonfire of the Vanities. Certain matters should be taken into account before you head off to the clink. There are even ways to parlay your riches and master-of-the-universe shtick into preferential treatment! Tips for disgraced Wall Streeters on how to survive behind bars after the jump.
First off, you'll need to hire a "post-conviction specialist." This is an absolute must, and should be done long before you show up at the prison gates. For a high five-figure sum, a prison consultant will help minimize the time you spend behind bars, divert you to the cushiest facility possible, and prepare you psychologically for the shocking realization that for however long you're locked up, you will be forced to make do without your Blackberry and Starbucks frappucinos.Like to play tennis? Your consultant might just be able to arrange a spot at one of the federal prison camps in California that has tennis courts on the premises. If, on the other hand, you're an alcoholic, your consultant may be able to help you get admitted to a rehab program in prison, which could even knock a few months off your sentence....MORE
HT: 1440 Wall Street who point out:
...Conjugal visits are an issue, although truth be told, a little down time, away from the wife, is one of the few upsides to white collar crime. But there is really only one guy to hire; and if the Feds are circling, you might want to put him on retainer:
For the absolute crème-de-la-crème in prison consultants, the man you probably want to talk to is Herbert J. Hoelter. His illustrious client list includes Michael Milken, Ivan Boesky, Adelphia founder John Rigas, Alfred Taubman, and Martha Stewart. Do keep in mind, though, that unless you’re headed to a state prison—and given what you’ve done, that’s very unlikely—even a top-of-the-line prison consultant won’t be able to arrange for conjugal visits....