Friday, July 11, 2008

Al Gore should have mentioned the chocolate thing

From Elastic Waist, which Reuters describes as "A blog for women focused on size acceptance and self-esteem, featuring a video, The Daily Special, with celeb news and gossip, as well as weight and body image issues with a comedic twist":
...I cannot even believe that this hasn't made bigger news, but our chocolate crop is at risk! Why has no one stopped the presses? Industry insiders are predicting that in 20 years, the simple joy of chocolate will become so expensive that the average consumer won't be able to afford it regularly. Like, "a tank of gas" expensive! From CNN:

The problem is that cocoa is naturally a rainforest plant that grows in shady conditions surrounded by a high biodiversity, but recently hybrid varieties have been grown on cleared land as mono-cultures and in full sun.
While this will give higher short term yields, the soil quickly becomes degraded and the lifespan of plants can be cut from 75 or 100 years, to 30 or less. When the trees die and the land is exhausted the farmers must move on and clear more rainforest to plant cocoa.

Think of the implications, my darlings! No more warm gooey chocolate chip cookies, fresh from the oven. No brownies or cakes or Starbucks mochas. No baskets full of Easter goodies, no red and green Hershey's Kisses in December. No chocolate coins. No frozen ice cream treats. Gone. Kaput. All because we can't figure out how to manage our natural resources without killing the planet.

This inspires me to increase my 401(k) contribution, because seriously, my retirement years are clearly going to be spendy.

This raises two questions:
1) Does this explain the former future's weight gain? He is BFF with Kofi Annan. Kofi Annan is from Ghana. Ghana is the world's second largest cocoa producer. We know these things. See:

Food-riot watch; and: The world wants chocolate! (HSY; NSRGY)
Solar Shines for Applied Materials AND Cocoa at 23 Year High (AMAT; BRK.A)
Chocolate and bonbon prices to skyrocket
How Buffett Made a Killing in Chocolate, And Warren's Letters to Shareholders
Warren Buffett and the Chocolate Wars

2) What the hell is Climateer doing hanging out at Elastic Waist and using BFF on the blog?

Hangin' @ EW? No comment.
The BFF I can explain. I learned of the term from "Melissa Moody’s Ratings Alternative (MBI)":
...My ratings will be simple:
  • BFFAE (Best Friends Forever and Ever)
  • BFF
  • BFFLAF (Best Friends For Like Almost Forever)
  • BFFBAS (Best Friends Forever But Also a Slut)
  • BFFBIHH (Best Friends Forever But I Hate Her)
  • Whore


Previous Rating: BFFAE
New Rating: BFFBAS

Ratings Rationale: MBIA used to have a good little thing going. Yeah, like not everyone thought she was totally hot, but everyone was like “Wow she has a good little thing going”, she was funny and nice, and who doesn’t like funny and nice? Not Melissa, I’ll tell you that. And she was a go-to girl anytime a friend was jammed up with boy problems and needed ice cream.

But then she changed, and we all saw it happening. She wanted to be totally hot and started hanging out with guys out of her league. Yeah she looked great, but the diet and the clothes and the whole lifestyle changed her. Rumors started about what she was doing behind the scenes at muni parties and at CDS keggers....MORE