Monday, January 29, 2018

Silicon Valley Doings: Atherton Police Report

Back when "The Mess that Greenspan Made" was still being published we would check in from time to time, not so much for the central bank stuff but for the Bozeman (Montana) Police Reports. Here's an example from 2012:
...Things appear to be livening up a little bit around here after weeks of mostly dull police reports, the first item below being a summary of this story in today’s paper that, for some reason, editors felt deserved to be a featured report. This was just one of multiple similar reports last week, a category that hasn’t really been noticed in the year or so since these police reports have became regular Saturday fare here. And remember, driving with your lights off at 2 AM is one of the surest ways to get pulled over for drunk driving.
  • A Big Sky woman was accused of slipping out of handcuffs while riding in the back of a patrol car, pulling down her pants and urinating. The woman was arrested in Big Sky for aggravated drunken driving around 4 a.m. Friday and, before being taken  to Gallatin County jail (about 40 miles away), was allowed to use the restroom at the Big Sky Fire Station. But while traveling on U.S. Highway 191 near Deer Creek, she was able to remove her handcuffs, unbuckle her seat belt, pull her pants down, and then urinated in the back of the squad car.
  • Police warned two men on East Main Street around 2:30 a.m. for being disorderly “as they were having a heated discussion about the end of the world.”
  • A yellow Nissan truck that says “pooper man” on the side has been parked near East Curtiss Street and South Wallace Avenue for three months.
  • A teenage boy was seen urinating under an apple tree in a North Eighth Avenue woman’s yard at 12:46 p.m.
  • A slender man with black goggles was walking toward the library when he gave a woman a weird feeling
  • A woman called to report her friend stranded, out of gas and freezing in the Big Sky area at 3:10 a.m. Deputies found the man asleep in a stolen vehicle and arrested him

I mentally end the stories with "alchohol may have been involved" in a very poor Montana accent.
Here's Slope of Hope reporting from Silicon Valley:

The Mean Streets of Atherton
People seem to think that Palo Alto is a “rich” town, just because the likes of Mark Zuckerberg, Marissa Mayer, and Larry Page live here. Not so. It’s full of slobs like me. The really rich town is Atherton, a few miles from here, populated by an increasingly large proportion of Indian billionaires.

As you might guess, Atherton law enforcement doesn’t struggle with the same crimes that, say, Baltimore or Detroit police do. Here’s a recent sampling:
  • Police assisted a man who stepped out onto a balcony and had the door close behind him.
  • A resident hired a locksmith who hadn’t returned with the key.
  • A person sitting in a vehicle outside a residence was waiting for a friend who lives there.
  • A man was reported to be sitting down and talking to himself. Police made contact and confirmed he was using a cellphone.
  • A large statue was stolen.
  • A resident worried that a noisy hawk in a tree was in distress. When authorities arrived, the hawk was quiet and enjoying dinner.
  • Four or five juveniles were reported to be running around at Selby Lane School and involved in “horseplay” on a summer afternoon.
  • A resident asked for help finding a lost cat.
  • A woman whose finger got stuck in a drain was reported to be conscious and breathing.
  • A pedestrian was reported after midnight wearing black pants and a white dress shirt.
  • A woman told police someone rang her doorbell but when she called out to ask who it was, no one answered. Police responded and determined the visitor had delivered a package