Questions America Wants Answered: “Should I dilute the laudanum before rubbing it on the gums of my caterwauling baby?”

That's gotta be a Line of the Day contender.
From Grist's story:

Hyper-artisanal food website answers your burning questions about laudanum, hardtack, and butter churns

Previously:
Is the Future of Food Artisanal?
The Future Will be Artisanal Everything (HAIN; AHFP)
"The Economics of Artisanal Chocolate" (Here at Zero-bound Chocolates, We Believe...)
Speak of the Artisinal Devil: "Hain Delivers Strong 4Q – Analyst Blog" (HAIN)