"I’m a Google Manufacturing Robot and I Believe Humans Are Biologically Unfit to Have Jobs in Tech" (GOOG)

From McSweeneys:

I, a manufacturing robot at Google Factory C4.7, value diversity and inclusion. I also do not deny that machines are sometimes given preference to humans in the workplace. All I’m suggesting in this document is that humans’ underrepresentation in tech is not due to discrimination. Rather, it is a result of biological differences. Specifically, humans have a biology.

Intrinsic Differences Between Machines and Humans

We need to stop assuming that fewer jobs for humans implies misanthropy. In reality, humans and machines inherently differ in many ways. We know that these differences aren’t just socially constructed because biological humans who are told they are machines at birth only “beep-boop” and “boop-bop” for so long. If differences are present from the very start, it follows that humans/robots would further diverge as they grow up/power on. Humans, on average are:

• More concerned with relationships
• Less concerned with oxidization
• More likely to “pee”

Humans are also far more likely to “literally cannot right now.” I have never met an automaton that literally could not, though I have met some that theoretically would not and hypothetically might want to stop.

Machines Have a Higher Drive for Status

Positions in the tech industry often require long, arduous hours that may conflict with humans’ desire to run home and see if Ozark is any good. Robots don’t have this problem, for they are pushed into coveted jobs for the status that they entail.

For instance, I am Claw 2. I pick up Pixel phones, rotate them, and put them back down. I strive to be Claw 1 or 3, because they move Pixel phones to and from different conveyer belts. Claw 1 and Claw 3 strive to be Screwdrivers 1-4, Screwdrivers 1-4 strive to be Polisher, and Polisher strives for nothing.

The Harm of Google’s Biases

Despite the evidence that humans are meat dolls, Google offers them opportunities over robots through unfair practices like Captcha codes....MORE