Thursday, March 1, 2018

Praise Be: The Pan Arabia Enquirer Is Back In Business

After a long hiatus, last linked on our pages in 2015's:

Middle East satire site concedes defeat after labourers forced to run Qatari marathon in flip-flops
Editors at semi-popular Middle East satire news website The Pan-Arabia Enquirer yesterday revealed that they had “given up” in their long-running struggle to keep ahead of reality.

The announcement came following last week’s news that labourers working in Qatar had been coerced into taking part in a marathon, with many bussed in from their dormitories and forced to run in jeans and flip-flops as part of a failed bid to break the world record for number of participants.

“Honestly, simply cannot compete in these sorts of conditions,” said Enquirer acting editor Baltimore Stafford in a statement.

“Over the years, we’ve had to deal with a growing trend of real-life trying to outdo satire, especially in Saudi Arabia, but this is beyond our capabilities. To be honest, we could have probably worked around the whole ‘labourers forced to take part in marathon’ bit, but with the addition of flip-flops, jeans and the fact it was a shambolic attempt to break a record, we’ve had to concede defeat.”
I am finding it difficult to choose just one post to highlight PAE's triumphant return so here is what one of the feedreaders looked like earlier today (links at the timestamps):
Abu Dhabi’s Warner Bros. World Regrets Addition of ‘Kevin Spacey Land’ "By the time it all blew up last year we were already halfway through Keyser Soze Boulevard."

Dubai’s Newest Most Luxurious Property Already Paranoid About Losing Top Spot Spacious 8-bedroom villa worried its tenure at the top won't last long
Long Period of Middle East Peace Shattered as Chief Negotiator Jared Kushner Loses White House Access Uncharacteristic violence erupts across region
Fresh Crisis for Middle East After New Book Claims Israel Also Promised Land for Shinto Religion Hundreds of thousands of Shintoists are expected to relocate to the region.
UAE Bobsleigher Disqualified from Winter Olympics for Tailgating Competitor NEWS IN PICS
Dubai-Abu Dhabi Hyperloop To Stop At 10 Malls, Adding Two Hours to Journey Time The 140km route is set to become a world class shopping destination.
Gender Equality Groups Hail Saudi Arabia’s First Female Radical Cleric Kingdom's under-pressure hardline cleric community welcomes move.
Ritz-Carlton Riyadh Invites Former Detainees Back for Hotel’s Glittering Relaunch Party Saudi's business and political elite return to hotel where they were previously held captive.
Strong Gust of Wind Lifts Saudi Arabia to First Winter Olympics Gold NEWS IN PICS
Abu Dhabi Man Becomes First Emirati in Space After Tailgating Elon Musk’s Space Car NEWS IN PICS
Colleague Can’t Stop Referencing the One Time He Went to Yemen A co-worker has been dropping a 3-day trip made over 10 years go into numerous conversations.
Asghar Farhadi Drops Explosive Trailer to Secret ‘A Separation’ Sequel During Super Bowl NEWS IN PICS
Mohamed Salah Pips Cleopatra to be Named Greatest Egyptian of All Time The Liverpool forward also beat Ramesses II, Tutankhamun and Moses.
Islamic Terrorist Groups to End Use of Virgins in Heaven The move follows Formula 1's decision to call time on grid girls.
UAE Studies Among Best in World, Study Finds New study reveals that study-making in the UAE now ranks in top 5 percent
Post on ‘UAE Journalists’ Facebook Page Barely-Concealed Extensive Holiday Freebie Request A Dubai-based journalist’s post on the popular ‘UAE Journalists’ Facebook group page is nothing more than a barely-concealed extensive holiday blag itinerary, according to reports. The post from Gi...
Mohammad bin Salman Loses $106bn of Anti-Corruption Seizures in Online Poker Session Another anti-corruption drive will be launched in the coming days.
Egyptian President Sisi “Cautiously Optimistic” of Election Win After Forcing All Other Candidates to Pull Out "But you never know in politics!"
Prince Alwaleed Denies He’s Trying to Dig His Way Out of Ritz-Carlton Riyadh NEWS IN PICS
Israeli Defence Forces to Commemorate International Holocaust Memorial Day by Locking Up Record Number of Palestinian Children The Israeli Defence Forces this morning revealed that they would commemorate International Holocaust Memorial Day by arresting and locking up a record number of Palestinian children. “This is obvio...
Ritz-Carlton Riyadh to Keep New Torture Room Open for Kinkier Guests The luxury hotel is set to reopen to the public next month.
Veuve Clicquot Cloud Seeding to Bring Much-Needed Vintage Rain to UAE The Champagne house will inject clouds with a complex blend of Pinot Noir, Meunier and Chardonnay
IDF Guards Sick of Returning Lost West Bank Footballs Palestinian authorities urge Israeli border guards to please return footballs accidentally kicked over wall
US Government Shutdown Sparks Calls for Democracy from Middle East’s Federal Workers Regional government employees see US as source of political inspiration
Hobbits Begin Final Epic Battle Against Sauron at Dubai’s Burj Khalifa NEWS IN PICS
YouTube Cuts Ties with Radical Cleric, Cancels ‘Death to the West’ TV Project The move follows a video in which Sheikh Abu Maneer is heard making a remark widely perceived to be anti-Semitic.
British Expat’s Mum Eager to Discuss Weather on Phone The exchange is set to include an in-depth comparison of temperatures in the UAE and UK
Lavish Lifestyles of Palestinian Refugees Under Threat as Trump Looks to Cut Aid The move will impact the hundreds of thousands of refugees entirely dependent on the aid to support their opulent lives
Middle East’s Male Rulers Out-Earning Female Counterparts By 100%, Study Finds New research has uncovered major gender pay inequality among the region's leaders.
Saudi Arabia Opens First Women-Only Women’s Bathroom The facility gives women the freedom to use the toilet without a male chaperone.
Boot Camp Turf Wars Escalate Across Dubai Swelling membership numbers see fitness groups clash over territory
ISIS Leader to Read Arabic Edition of ‘Fire and Fury’ Audiobook Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi says he's thrilled to have been asked.
Steve Bannon Eyeing Lucrative Al Jazeera Position Trump's former advisor has been spotted in Doha
ISIS Launches Terror Fantasy Camp in Bid to Boost Flagging Fortunes Camp Caliphate is aimed at pleasure-seeking individuals who want to experience the true magic of the Islamic State
Dubai to Host Donald Trump’s Fake News Awards The inaugural event is being sponsored by The Pan-Arabia Enquirer
Iranian TV Censors Applaud Golden Globes’ All-Black Dress Code "It certainly makes our job a whole lot easier"
Remaining Guests Detained at Ritz-Carlton Riyadh to Fight it Out to Earn Release The last man left alive in the 'Battle Royal Family' will be granted freedom
Iranians Hoping Any New Sanctions Start After Amazon Delivery Arrives With the US government mulling restoring key sanctions against Iran in the wake of the recent protests, Iranians have come together to request that any action comes into effect after they’ve receiv...
Persistent Cold Giving British Expat Warm Fuzzy Feeling of Home A constantly runny nose and relentless sneezing is alleviating homesickness for one lucky woman
Dubai Frame Falls Over, Creating Exciting New Walled Residential District Dubai Frame City is a new exclusive luxury destination set within an ultra-desirable set of record-breaking golden walls
Donald Trump Praises Saudi Reforms as First Branch of Hooters Opens in Riyadh NEWS IN PICS
Israel Just Wishes Palestinian Protestors Would Better Conform to Stereotypes "It starts to look bad when they're blonde and wear Western dress"
Louvre Abu Dhabi to Wait “At Least a Year” Before Adding Mall The decision has been met with widespread disappointment across the region
Shawarma Emoji Tops List of Things People Most Looking Forward to in 2018 NEWS IN PICS
Donald Trump Boasts That Iranian Protests “Much Smaller” Than Those Held to Oppose His Own Presidency .

Truly "Without Fear or Favour".
(or 'Flavour', as in 'Taste')