...So it looks like we are in for a wild day. An intensely volatile and wild day. The kind of day where you might find yourself fucked before you even realize your clothes were missing. So, a few pieces of advice to cope with the surprise penetration you thought you were braced for. (It's always worse than you think at first). Some of you may have heard some of this already:
1. Don't double down on a losing position. Seriously, people. That's how you dislocate hips. If you were a gymnast you wouldn't have this kind of market exposure.
2. Manage your risk carefully. Yes, condoms are a good idea. Spermicidal condoms, however, are a much better idea.
3. Don't follow the crowd. There's nothing worse than sudden, unexpected group sex when you aren't properly prepared.
4. Buy the rumor. Sell the news. (We're the best source for rumors (which turn out to be true most of the time, I might add), and the Wall Street Journal just isn't the same paper since... well, you know).
5. Never, never, leave your wingman (wingwoman).
There you go. If anyone is ready to be violated by the volitile markets today, it is now you.