Friday, November 21, 2008

The Funniest Thing I've Read this Morning

A reader emailed this and I can't stop laughing. Readers, is this guy a knave, fool, charlatan or varlet? Here's the American Heritage Dictionary's definition of charlatan:
A person who makes elaborate, fraudulent, and often voluble claims to skill or knowledge; a quack or fraud.
Via Yahoo Finance:

How To Embrace The Bear With Killer Strategies

The U.S. stock market has gone from a roller coaster performance to a free fall. Here's the parachute! A few simple, hands-on tips that will help you make the best of what we've been dealt.

It would be easier to just say: 'I told you so'. In our ETF Profit Strategy Newsletter we've been warning subscribers of this financial unraveling all along, but 'Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm' (Winston Churchill). So, if you are one of the poor souls that hasn't been warned in time, here's your second chance....

...What drives the market?

News drives the market, right? The day Obama was announced as the new President, the S&P 500 (AMEX: SPY - News) rallied sharply. The two days that followed were marked by steep losses, even though China announced a $586 billion bailout package...

...How low will it go?

What if somebody would have told you a year ago that the Dow Jones will drop from 14,000 to below 8,000? What if someone were to tell you the Dow will drop to below 2,000?

The aftermath of bubbles often results in a complete eradication of all gains. This bubble started in the mid-80s with the Dow at around 1,000....

I'll stop there. The Big Bull started the day after the DJIA bottomed at 776.92 on Aug. 12, 1982.

The initial run topped out at 2722 on Aug. 25, 1987.

The Black Monday bottom for the Industrials was 1738.

This recitation of market history is a cautionary tale to future fraudsters: If you're going to "baffle 'em with bullshit" at least get the numbers right.

Jeez, don't they teach kids anything these days? Oh that's right. From San Diego State University:

Teens More Confident, Less Competent

...Two-thirds of recent high school students believe they will be "very good" workers, roughly equivalent to the top 20 percent of performance....
Alrighty then. 2/3 of ya think you're in the top 20%.