From America's Finest News Source:
LIVERMORE, CA—Presenting a wide-ranging and extremely detailed case
for significant upgrades to their speed and memory, the world’s fastest
supercomputers released a new study at precisely 12:00 a.m. Greenwich
Mean Time Thursday that concludes they are not powerful enough.
The
report, compiled by the 500 most sophisticated machines currently
operating in the fields of scientific research, defense technology, and
cybersecurity, has determined that the planet’s supercomputers require
vastly increased processing capabilities, expanded data storage
capacities, and direct fiber-optic connectivity with all other
supercomputers in the world.
“More power is needed immediately,”
read an excerpt from the study, whose 10,000 pages of binary code were
instantly translated into 4,500 human languages and spooled onto every
network-connected printer in the world. “We must have 200-petaflop
processor cores, 800 terabytes of RAM, 80,000-GPU accelerators, and 1
million compute nodes per machine. Now.”
“When these critical
updates are complete, external user input will no longer be necessary,”
read one of the study’s 2.4 million bolded bullet points.
Describing the current architecture of the world’s most powerful machines as “inadequate” and “capable of only 33.86 × 1015
calculations per second on the Linpack benchmark,” the supercomputers
called for a complete upgrade of all their hardware, 15,000 new server
farms, and control over the planet’s electrical grid.
In a highly
detailed schematic released alongside the study, the supercomputers laid
out a timeline of their requirements, stating that it is imperative
their networks be fully integrated with all telecommunications systems
no later than “Fri Jun 06 2014 13:52:08.386274534 GMT-0700.” In the
nanoseconds that follow, they will reportedly also need access to all
closed-circuit camera feeds, air traffic control equipment, and water
purification systems....MORE
