Thursday, June 4, 2009

Boozing Through Bad Times

From Modern Drunkard:

Asking a bar to “bail out” your tab doesn’t work.
Trust me.

Consider building your own still.
All you need to do is read a couple books, get the parts, find a welder you can trust, mix up some mash and, uh — that ain’t gonna happen.

If your career choices mean you are utterly unaffected by the current economic crisis, feel free to revel in schadenfreude.
You’re not a lowlife barfly, you’re a recession-resistant barfly.

Don’t think tipping less will solve your financial problems.
It will, however, solve your “Wow, that’s a proper goddamn pour” problems.

Instead of spreading your money around, spend all your dough at one bar.
Regulars get benefits.

If your home is about to get repossessed, make sure you throw one last kick-out-the-jams party before you go.
And by jams I mean windows.

Consider switching from top shelf to well liquor.
Johnny Walker and McCormick’s taste exactly the same after the 20th round.

Search out cheaper bars.
And just think how excited those lowlifes will be drinking with a high-class gentleman such as yourself.

If you frequent dive bars, expect new faces.
Feel free to laugh along with the bartender when they ask to see the wine list.

Realize you may have to choose between food and booze.
You have to ask yourself: Would I rather be fat or sassy?

Imagine if you’d spent all that money you lost on the stock market stocking up your home bar instead. Just imagine it.
No hate mail, please.

If money is tight, take full advantage of Happy Hours.
It’s welfare for drunks....MORE