Retraction: "I Falsified the Data in My Bestselling Book 'Everyone Poops'"

As I've said, there is a reason we have Retraction Watch on the blogroll.
From McSweeney's

It was all lies.

Everything that I put forth as true in my book was fabricated, and I can’t keep the secret balled up inside of me anymore. I’m letting it all out. I won’t continue to sit back and watch parents use my bullshit shit book to teach their children that their bodily functions are normal and healthy. It’s not right.

I made it all up.

Everyone Poops? Looking back, it was such an absurd blanket statement that I can’t believe I got away with it. Everyone? EVERYONE? Most people, probably, but everyone? Nobody can know that. Not me, not you, not even God. Yet that didn’t stop me from writing that I poop, you poop, and God poops every Sunday and on the major holidays. It was crazy that nobody flushed out the truth.

I fudged the data.

“An elephant makes a big poop.”

“A mouse makes a tiny poop.”

All nonsense. For all I know it’s the other way around. I’ve never seen an elephant in my life, let alone a mouse. Still, I looked my publisher in the eye, I looked Oprah in the eye, I looked the President of the United States in the eye, and said I could back everything up with hard evidence. Truthfully, the only thing being backed up was me, with all of the crap.

I forged the studies.....MORE

Relatedly at the Huffington Post:

"Kim Jong Il Did Not Defecate (And Other Weird Facts)"

Also at McSweeney's, just in time for Mother's Day:

"Back when I was 13 months pregnant and my crotch felt like an inside out cheeseburger solely held together by gigantic cotton underpants I thought, 'Maybe, just maybe, there could be a whole 24 hours of half-assed thanking in this for me.'

-Just What I Wanted, a Whole 24 Hours of Recognition Once a Year