"How to talk in Silicon Valley without saying anything"
From PBS' NewsHour:
I moved to San Francisco in 2010, in time to witness the
extraordinary growth in the Bay Area tech scene. Since then, the startup
boom has dominated business headlines: from the leadup to Twitter’s
IPO, Facebook’s acquisition of WhatsApp for $16 billion, and the rise of
Uber, now valued at more than $18 billion. The list goes on and the
entrepreneurial fervor has inspired countless Ivy-League dropouts to
pack-up their hoodies and head West with dreams of becoming the next
Mark Zuckerberg.
But the underreported truth is that most startups fail.
Tuesday
night’s “Startup Zombie” segment on the PBS NewsHour explores the
companies that never quite found their footing. They didn’t “fail fast”
or yield big returns but rather claw along like the living dead. The
result: A cottage industry of Valley businesses that acquire zombie
companies so the investors can write off the losses on their tax return.
Watch the piece here to get the full picture...
...For those like me with an affinity for the ridiculous, the recent
tech boom has offered one silver lining: it’s very easy to poke fun at.
It certainly gave me plenty to talk about in the PBS Digital Studios
series “Everything But the News,”
which I co-created with my partner Noah Pink. The show earnestly covers
the absurdities of tech culture from the perspective of a Jim
Lehrer-obsessed, tote-bag carrying outsider. Binge viewing of the
digital series available here.
NOTE:
Longtime NewsHour viewers can rest-assured that Tuesday night’s piece
was a slight departure in tone from “Everything But the News.”
Fortunately (for me, you and Jim Lehrer) it included first-rate
reporting from journalist Nic Pollock.
We introduced the Startup
Zombie segment with some of the hyperbolic language that plows down the
streets of San Francisco faster than a Google Bus. The terminology can
be off-putting, nonsensical and completely ridiculous. It often masks
the grim realities of a hypercompetitive marketplace, especially for
those unwilling to throw in the towel.
Below, we’ve provided a
startup glossary to help interpret the jargon. Who knows, maybe it will
come in handy the next time you’re seated beside a budding entrepreneur
coding for gold at an elite Bay Area coffee shop.
Startup Glossary
PIVOT: Our idea tanked so we’re doing something else.
DISRUPT: Finding unconventional ways to overhaul established business models. Example: Uber disrupted the taxi industry.
SHARING ECONOMY:
Socio-economic system built around the sharing of human and physical
resources in such a way that a middleman platform can make obscene
profit. (Uber example above applies here too.)
GROWTH HACKER: Another way of saying “marketing,” typically used by males.
FABLET: A really big phone, or a really small tablet, you choose.
CRUSHING IT:
Such effusive language in the Valley often masks real trouble. In other
words, “We’re crushing it,” can mean “We’re sinking. Please hire me!”
ROCKSTARS, NINJAS, and JEDIS: Add this as a prefix to your existing title. Your job hasn’t changed, but it makes you much more fun at parties.
BURN RATE: “We’re spending money as if we were lighting it on fire.” Hide this from the investors. Remember, you’re “crushing it!”...
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