Monday, May 16, 2011

Productivity Measures in a Terrorist Milieu

I was going to go with "Human Capital and the Productivity of Suicide Bombers" but it's already been used by the Rand Corporation.

From the Dilbert blog:

Osama's Productivity
Let's see if you can solve this puzzle. We've learned that Osama Bin Laden's compound had marijuana, pornography, and some sort of herbal Viagra. He had no air conditioning to keep him cool in the blistering heat of summer, and no heat to protect him from the cold of winter. He had no phone and no Internet connection. He had a home office and three wives living with him. Using only these clues, help the CIA solve the following puzzle: Why didn't Bin Laden come up with any good plans lately?

I'm no expert on terrorism, but I do have a few ideas about Osama's lack of productivity. Let's start with the fact that every time Osama had a few minutes of quiet time - and he wasn't stuck to the floor - he was spanking the martyr like it was his job.

The official story is that we found Osama by identifying his courier. I think a more likely scenario is that the CIA got a tip from whoever's job it was to clean Osama's room. I imagine that the end of that conversation went like this. "I don't want the reward money. Just make it stop."

Is it any coincidence that all of Osama's targets were shaped like penises? He started with jets, towers, and ships. Then he moved on to trains. Maybe we can save some money by eliminating security at anything that isn't shaped like a dick.

The marijuana at the compound explains a lot too. When we see pictures of other terrorist leaders, they always look angry. Every time we see a picture of Osama, he's just chillin' with his homeys. Here he is asking for some curly fries.

I wonder how stoned you need to be before you come up with a plan to conquer the planet using nothing but bearded men as weapons.  I have a feeling that plan B involved showing up at the Grammy's inside a giant egg. It's obvious that he wasn't a beer drinker because his most ambitious plot didn't involve sneaking up on camels and tipping them over....MORE 

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