Top 10 headlines that could signal a market bottom

One possible sign will be the humor. I haven't heard many jokes that compare with these from China.
From MarketWatch:

With few technical or fundamental road signs left, two equity strategists have devised a top 10 list for investors searching for signs of a bottom, not to be confused with a bear-market rally.

At turns both serious and tongue-in-cheek, BNY ConvergEx Group analysts Nicholas Colas and Oren Klachkin offer the following as their top 10 signs of a market bottom:

1. A significant (more than 10%) one- or two-day drop in the market. The current orderly decline, while severe, is largely running in line with the deteriorating U.S. economy, said Colas and Klachkin. Therefore, an even sharper drop would position stocks as cheap, relative to fundamentals -- "perhaps even cheap enough to make a bottom," the analysts said.
2. Timothy Geithner is replaced with Paul Volcker. Fairly or not, the market does not have a lot of confidence in Treasury Secretary Geithner, while former Federal Reserve Chairman Volcker's "proven abilities in a crisis could play better with investors," the analysts said. Volcker currently heads the Economic Recovery Advisory Board under President Barack Obama....Eight MORE