"Finding the Robot Chauffeur"
From n+1:
The footnotes to car ads have grown more interesting of late. They
started decades ago with the innocuous boilerplate, “Professional
driver, closed course.” But then someone let the copywriters have their
snarky fun. The Ford Fusion Hybrid’s features an enduring classic that
appears as the sedan leaps off a cliff: “Fictionalization. Professional
driver on closed course. Do not attempt. Cars cannot fly.”
Silly as these warnings sound, the latest fine print inadvertently
reveals our automotive future. Since 2010, when it debuted an automatic
braking technology that keeps you from mowing down pedestrians, Volvo
has been running vague disclaimers like, “City Safety is not a
substitute for safe driving.” Mercedes Benz shows its cars racing across
the frozen north thanks to its intelligent traction system with the
countervailing footnote, “Drive cautiously based on weather conditions.”
Jeep, of all brands, has to remind buyers, “Electronic driver
assistance features are not substitutes for active driver involvement.”
Chevrolet warns you, “Never rely on its Crash Imminent Braking feature
to brake the vehicle.” Yes, the feature stops the Impala from going
Titanic and hitting an iceberg while the driver’s eyes wander. But
that’s just in the ad.
The
prize for covering the bottom of the screen with advice goes to
Toyota’s “May You” commercial, which helpfully explains that “Vehicle
Stability Control is not a substitute for safe driving,” “Lane Keeping
Assist is not a substitute for attentive driving,” “Pre-Collision system
is not a substitute for attentive driving.” To that effect, “Do not
rely exclusively on the Blind Spot Monitor to determine if lane changing
is safe.”
These warnings are all baldfaced lies. City Safety is a substitute
for safe driving. You can drive as madly as you like thanks to the
electronic stability of your Mercedes. Your Jeep is too polite to
tailgate. Your Toyota knows better than you do when it can safely change
lanes. Lane Keeping Assist and Pre-Collision braking are not just
substitutes for attentive driving—inattentive driving is their
raison-d’être. Add to these safety features gimmicks such as
self-parking and remote starting by mobile phone (“Siri, start the car”)
and you have machines that look an awful lot like robot cars.
The
American “love affair” with the automobile is often mistaken for a love
affair with driving. We think driver distraction arose with the
smartphone, but truth be told most Americans never liked driving much.
When Oldsmobile debuted Motoring’s Magic Carpet on the eve of World War
II, it lamented the struggles of the little lady with a standard
transmission: “After nineteen distinct manual operations, she’s finally
ready to drive.” Relief came from the Hydra-Matic drive, the original
automatic transmission. Times have changed but the dream has not. Today,
Mercedes promises a “flying carpet” ride from its laser-guided Magic
Body Control active suspension system. Let them wrestle with their
overtaxed motors among the dark satanic mills of Europe. Americans
invented power steering. Come to think of it, flying carpets don’t even
need steering wheels, do they?
