Too true to be funny.
From ZeroHedge, August 8:
To paraphrase Kermit The Frog, 'It's not easy making green" and under Trump 2.0, that has never been more true for the 'average' hedge fund manager dealing with 24/7 headline risk from the current resident of The White House.
For those who may not be in the seat, or have a clue as to just what the daily roller-coaster has been like for the last seven months and counting, Harris Kupperman, CIO of Praetorian Capital posted the following on X, which although a little tongue in cheek, is awfully close to the reality of anyone trying to trade this chaos. Brace yourself, as Kuppy says "Every fuckin' day bro... every one!":
6:00 - Wake up, check what Trump tariffed overnight. Cambodia up +200%, Paraguay -3% (they said thanks).
6:05 - Brew some coffee.
6:10 - Trump tweets that the laws are rigged, since he cannot tariff Arizona. Mentally scroll the portfolio for exposure…
6:15 - Check what happened in Asia and Europe. 6:22 - Trump announces that hot dogs will join the food pyramid. Bans hot dog exports. Fortunately our book dodged that one.
6:30 - Drink some coffee, talk to wife, pray Trump will spend the morning golfing so I can do some actual work...
6:31 - Trump announces that oil at $65 is too high. Threatens anyone who isn’t producing more oil.
6:32 - Top 5 position announces earnings, want to join the earnings call at 7am, but Trump just scheduled a press conference then, and he’s looking unpredictable.
7:02 - Trump announces that Japan can now export golf balls tariff-free, in honor of Abe letting him cheat at golf. Join the earnings call instead.
7:06 - Futures plunge 65 handles in a single tick, frantically leave the earnings call and go back to whatever Trump is still yapping about in his press conference.
7:10 - Scroll through premarket quotes. NVDA and PLTR are both up 5% b/c it’s a day ending in ‘Y’ but SPZ are now down 80 handles.
7:15 - Trump changed his mind and SPZ are now up 25 handles as everyone rushes to cover their short. (I re-join the earnings call)
7:30 - Some broker I’ve never heard of just downgraded a top 5 position and it’s down 15% on 300 shares traded. I’m pretty confident it will close around there too. (I crack open a beer as I skim his downgrade report, realizing that nothing productive will happen today…)
8:00 - An LP calls to remind me of some ShitCoin he recommended that’s now up 1800% since he recommended it.
8:09 - 10-yr bonds gap down 17 bps, but all I can find is a tweet from Bessent about how great Main Street is doing.
8:15 - Some sell side asshole cold-calls me to see if I want a copy of his upgrade report on the AI sector. Tells me that “it’s going to be big and you don’t want to miss it.”....
....MUCH MORE
If interested see also:
August 2014 - Fed Minutes: "The Case for Getting Drunk at Work"
