Speaking of that "discerning, higher-paying clientele" (post immediately below)
Been there, done that.*
From the New York Times, June 9:
Bottled waters from small, pristine sources are attracting a lot of buzz, with tastings, sommeliers and even water cellars.
I recently spent 90 minutes watching six very serious people taste 107 varieties of mineral water.
Each container was hidden under a cloth bag, its contents dispensed by small pours into wine glasses. The judges swished and gazed thoughtfully into the middle distance. They dumped the excess into buckets at their feet and joked about needing a bathroom. They gave each water a score between 90 and 100, in a modified Robert Parker style.
The comparison to paint drying might seem obvious. But like a Magic Eye poster, the nuances of fine water become clear if you spend enough time with it.
Fine water — the preferred term of its growing cadre of enthusiasts — is as much like that plastic bottle of water in your car-cup holder as Château d’Yquem is to Gatorade. The taste is distinct to a place, rich with minerals it picked up as it traveled to the surface of the earth. The fine-water crowd shuns giants like Perrier and Acqua Panna, both owned by Nestlé. Fine water has a better story.
Winners at the April tasting, part of the ninth annual Fine Waters taste and design awards in Atlanta, included melted snow that had been filtered through Peruvian volcanic rock, and deep-sea water that had been pumped up 80 miles off the coast of South Korea. There was water gathered from nets hung in a misty Tasmanian pine forest, and a Texas brand laced with lithium called Crazy Water.
Like coffee and beer, natural water is enjoying a third wave, especially among the alcohol-shunning Generation Z, which has primed its palate on seltzers like LaCroix and is looking to level up. It’s also gaining traction among the wellness crowd, which has grown increasingly skeptical of municipal tap water and purified water in plastic bottles.
Hotels are adding precisely designed water bars. Home wine cellars have become water cellars, where children are encouraged to select bottles with their parents. Water sommelier programs continue to grow. And of course, water influencers gather more and more followers.
“It’s elevating water away from hydration and turning water into an experience similar to wine or other alcohol,” said Michael Mascha, 67, who formed Fine Waters in 2002. The organization has grown to include a coalition of smaller producers, and is considered the global standard setter for judging fine water. “If you pay attention, the world opens up to you. If you think water’s just water, you are missing out.”
America’s modern embrace of fine water started later than most other countries’. The first wave began in the 19th century, when people “took the waters” in places like Saratoga Springs, N.Y. The second might be pinned to the 1970s, when the chic and the famous took up drinking Perrier.
In the latest wave, the attraction is as much about terroir and narrative as it is about taste and health....
- I'm in the Wrong Business Part 625: "$20 for a bottle of water? Your water sommelier will bring the menu right away"
- Talking to New York’s First, and Only, Mustard Sommelier
- Climateer Line of the Day: H2Oh Give Me a Break Edition
"Iskilde from Denmark is a great water for a vegetarian mushroom dish because it has earthy taste notes. Beverly Hills 90H20 is the perfect pairing for a seasonal salad because it will cut through the acidity of a vinaigrette dressing and help balance out the flavors."
Yes, ma'am, the Satan's Saliva small barrel Special Reserve sauce is made from Scotch Bonnet peppers grown exclusively on a tiny island off the coast of Antigua, a larger island.Now back to work.
The peppers are picked at the peak of their short lives to ensure the characteristic citrus and battery acid top notes contrast with the charred peat and road tar bottom to create a complex tease, flamboyant enough to be called the scamp of thevineyardpepper pot but finishing as cigar box and C4.
In case of overdose the usual cold milk treatment is insufficient and one should go deeper into the butterfat realm, whipping cream at minimum, preferably a hunk of cream cheese to gnaw on as you search for the nearest burn unit.
Perfect when paired with artisanal small batch lard or any of the kicky tallows now making the scene.
- "Ye Olde Artisanal Stock Pickery & Son" (or "Equity investing as a luxury good")
- Testing Small-batch Artisanal Portfolio Construction With Cliff Asness and Grantham, Mayo's James Montier
- "The Economics of Artisanal Chocolate" (Here at Zero-bound Chocolates, We Believe...)
- Small Batch Artisanal High Fructose Corn Syrup
Entering that wilderness of mirrors is the slow road to snooty madness so I'll just answer 'no'.