Possibly it’s the combination of alcohol and flu drugs, but something unhinges people at this time of year. ‘Tis the season to send global emails to your whole workforce.
Below then - unexpurgated - via the WSJ Economics blog (Hat tip Felix Salmon) is a truly inspired and surreal email that’s been doing the rounds. (Fav bit: The agencies have been asleep/ Their ratings are just like ‘Bo Peep/ That is, they’re from a fairy tale/ As fiction goes, they’re off the scale)
To be recited to the meter of Green Eggs and Ham, by Dr Seuss
Broker Joe!
Show me some flow
I need the dough!
I’m Broker Joe!
That Broker Joe!
That Broker Joe!
I do not like
That Broker Joe!
Would you buy my CDO?
I do not like them, Broker Joe
I do not like your CDO!
Would you like it here or there?
I would not like it here or there
I would not like it anywhere
I do not like your CDO
I do not like it, Broker Joe
Would you like to sell some yen?
I do not want to sell the yen
The big fat tail just kills my zen
If you don’t sell now, then when?
I will not sell it here or there
I will not sell it anywhere
I do not like your CDO
I do not like it, Broker Joe
Our SIV has had a few rough knocks
Get in now, you sly old fox!
I am slyer than a fox
And I don’t think you have the docs
That you must have if you foreclose
And so a judge will thumb his nose
At you, your SIV, and CDO
Who owns the mortgage?
I don’t know
And you don’t either, Broker Joe
I would not know it here or there
I would not know it anywhere
I will not buy your CDO
I will not buy it, Broker Joe!
We have some hedge funds who are long
Those guys are smart! They can’t be wrong!
Some funds are long and some are not
The ones who are, are feeling caught
The short ones make a lot of sense
And they are up lots of percents
No SIV, no yen
Not now, not then
Not here, not there
I would not touch it anywhere
I will not buy your CDO
I will not buy it, Broker Joe!
They’ve rated this stuff Triple-B!
This tranche is still investment grade
You buy it here, your year is made!
Go to FT Alphaville for the big finish